"Dad, will you get me connected?" - Internet Addiction of the New Generations (Part Two) - by Maria Teresa De Donato & Giovanni Tommasini

GET REAL! 

"Dad, will you get me connected?"

 

That is to say

 

Internet Addiction of the New Generations (Part Two)

 

 

Brainstorming between Maria Teresa De Donato and Giovanni Tommasini

 

 

 

In Part One of our discussion on internet addiction and the like, Giovanni and I intended to do some in-depth analysis on Triple A (AAA), i.e. the three factors – Welcome (Accoglienza), Attention and Listening (Ascolto) – which, by allowing you to come into contact with yourself and with others, could constitute a valid tool to free the new generations from the slavery and isolation caused by the virtual world and restore communication between them and an emotional world in way to reclaim value to life and interpersonal relationships.

 

 

 

Giovanni, Why don’t we go back to the examples you gave and delve deeper into these three factors?

 

Sure. The first factor consists of listening without prejudice or distractions. Hospitality is an existential predisposition towards a courageous and confident willingness to be invaded by others. The verb invade fully conveys the feeling of fear, which, more than any other emotion, puts one in a position of suspicion and rejection towards others.

Welcoming, however, implies receiving and letting someone into our world. The very linguistic matrix of the word enhances the concept. Accolligere derives from colligere, that is, to grasp. The root legere can also be translated as gathering, putting together, reducing spaces and distances, or understanding and grasping the meaning.

It is no coincidence that the verb leggere (=to read) has the same etymology.

Clearly, the prospect becomes getting involved. We open up to the other to form one with him and then return to being, after the shared experience, two different and richer people than before.

If we imagine human beings as islands, we can understand Hospitality as the construction of bridges erected on the reciprocity of feelings, attitudes, and opinions: bridges supported and consolidated only if we agree to free ourselves from judgments and evaluations.

In fact, it is only from the fatigue and pain of experience that the energy necessary to activate a transformation process can be generated.

 

 

This naturally implies a commitment on both sides...

 

Yes, absolutely. Everyone must make an effort, like opening the door to a stranger. To do this, you need to overcome your fears. Knowing, discovering, and, therefore, making progress, it is necessary to prepare oneself for others with the most precious of human qualities: curiosity. We must not stop at the first impression or sensations that invade us during the acquaintance.

Hospitality is enhanced when the encounter with the other is characterized by the desire to receive an empathetic attitude. The richness of the comparison, thus, also highlights hitherto unexplored aspects of our soul.

This is a reverse process to what we are experiencing today. Like a craftsman who, working with wood, removes excess parts to enhance his sculpture, we must return to purity, subtracting the superfluous.

In short, it is necessary to dedicate ourselves to genuine relationships. Live eye to eye.

 

 

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;

and listen.

 

It is not enough to welcome the other. To create an authentic relationship, we must also tune in to his words, forgetting, at least for a while, ourselves.

Just like when we look for a radio station, finding, saving, and making the waves resonate with those who speak to us takes effort. There are many nuances to grasp: emotional, verbal, and expressive.

Attention, however, is also something more. The word comes from the Latin attentio which, in turn, derives from the verb wait, in the sense of applying oneself to doing something, carrying out a task.

The concept of Attention, however, includes that of surprise. It is activated when something distorts the ordinary, forcing us to try to understand.

In fact, every day, we receive many impulses and stimuli. We perceive even more of it when we surf the web. The brain applies a filter that selects, based on importance, the information on which to focus. The bombardment of stimuli received on social media, including notifications, messages, and conversations, cancels this scale of precedence. Everything must be enjoyed immediately and requires our attention.

The surprise effect, however, also works in this continuous flow of information. Something new and unexpected catalyzes attention. Always.

Therefore, although Hospitality and Attention also exist online, the last A needs to be included: the one that determines the true essence of the quality of every human relationship.

I love listening. I have learned a significant number of things by listening carefully.

 

 

This also involves respect for the other... for his thoughts, but also for his diversity - of opinion, beliefs, culture, and so on.

 

Of course. Listening is also activated by curiosity. A natural search for the meaning of other people's language. As if every conversation begins with "Let me understand better, please." In this way, we accept a tacit agreement with the interlocutor aimed at mutual clarification.

The conversation with the other thus demonstrates interest in the meaning of communication. Strengthening this process is the certainty that the more we understand, the richer we become.

The tension between understanding the other is a chain process of responses capable of revealing unexpressed parts of ourselves.

Emblems in popular culture are the Mirror of Erised and, above all, the tale of The Arabian Nights: Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp. The object and the protagonist seem to say that, in the profound understanding of what people dream of, there is already the fulfillment of the desire. With the respective reflex and spell, the listening of these requests is exclusively implemented.

 

 

These issues should be discussed in classes of all levels.

 

Yes, definitely. I took action in this direction and had some positive feedback.

For example, a teacher wrote to me:

 

        Dear Giovanni,

 

This morning in class, some of my students presented the book "Daddy, Can You Connect Me?" to their classmates through a well-constructed multimedia work.

Oh yes, we haven't spoken again. Still, I appreciate the publication and recommend reading it to the kids who, during the Christmas break, purchased about fifteen copies on Amazon. To encourage them to read it, I told them they could take an oral test on the topics covered, which fit well into the civic education program (Digital Citizenship Area).

So this morning, we talked about her, dedicating two hours of lessons to the book's contents, particularly connection pathologies.

Convinced that I was doing her a favor, I felt it was my duty to let her know.

         Greetings, Pia

 

 

Perfect! In the following article, Giovanni, we could think about what could be the reason why kids, or at least many of them, need to connect to feel alive and part of a community... even if, as we have seen, in many cases it is predominantly, if not exclusively, virtual.

 

Yes, I think our readers will also find the topic exciting and equally helpful.

 

"Dad, will you get me connected?" - Internet Addiction of the New Generations (Part One) - by Maria Teresa De Donato & Giovanni Tommasini

 "Dad, will you get me connected?"

 

That is to say

 

Internet Addiction of the New Generations (Part One)

 

 

Brainstorming between Maria Teresa De Donato and Giovanni Tommasini

 

 

 

Backyards that only house cars and cats. Once upon a time, they were full of little girls and boys who, depending on the case, carefreely played hide and seek, played football with pots or dolls, rode bicycles, and climbed walls and trees.

 

What happened to them?

 

Of course, those who, like many of us, belong to the Baby Boomer generation have long been engaged in something completely different, if not on the verge of retirement. But today's children? Where am I? How do they spend their free time when they are not at school or busy doing homework?

 

As we will see, the answer to these questions is anything but reassuring.

 

 

 

Hi Giovanni, today, to inaugurate our new column, we will address a topic of significant public interest, namely that of the dependencies on modern technology of the new generations.

 

In 2002, returning to Italy to visit my family after many years of absence, I was invited by some people who have known me more or less since birth to have a coffee, which I gladly accepted because many of them have always been an extension of my family.

 

Some of them told me: "Maria Teresa, this garden is a cry. Times have changed a lot since you were little, and now there are only cars and cats in the yard."

 

"Where are the kids?" – I asked, somewhat surprised.

"They don't come down to the garden anymore. The answer was that they're all holed up at home spending their time playing video games!".

 

Thinking that millions of children worldwide are deprived of the opportunity to regularly play every day outdoors, in the sun, in the wind, in contact with nature, and years of carefree is not only depressing but equally alarming, don't you think Giovanni?

 

Indeed, Maria Teresa. I completely agree with you. I also experienced a similar situation a few years ago.

A question from my son, on an ordinary day, pierced that veil of unawareness that hovered inside me, and I suddenly felt a new fear growing over time: that our children would remain trapped in the web.

 

 

Would you like to tell us how exactly things went in your case?

 

We were having lunch on the beautiful restaurant terrace in the countryside, among the hills of Genoa—the nature around us and the sea in front. Everything seemed just to be enjoyed and admired. My son, just turned five years old, turning to me with a pleading look, said:

 

«Dad, will you get me connected?».

 

It took several questions before I understood what he meant. While waiting to start first grade, he was with his parents, surrounded by nature and with the sea in his eyes.

What more could he want?

While I felt in complete contact with all the expressions of the world, something was evidently missing for my son to perceive himself as wholly immersed in reality.

 

He needed the connection.

 

I intuited, then, what I fully understood later. A new vision of life was born, based on the feelings of teenagers in the post-superfluous era: nothing is necessary anymore. Everything is reachable at any age.

The questions full of curiosity that children asked until a few years ago are now just a click away. The hero dad, with his formative responses, is no longer needed.

Just ask Google.

 

 

Struck by a mass of questions, I've come to wonder if, every time they connect online, they risk disconnecting from reality...

 

 

What did your questions lead to?

 

To write a book. Thoughts and questions about Millennials: the writing of a worried father. A comparison between the teenagers of the 1980s, the first generation without war, and today's children, who grew up in front of a screen: DAD WILL YOU CONNECT ME?: The perennial connection and the future of the new generations, who are being born, growing up, and living without the Other.

 

 

MTDD: What are the purposes of this publication, and how can it practically help families and children, without prejudice to the fact that in the case of children, at least up to 10-12 years of age, perhaps parents should exercise greater control over the 'use and consumption of modern technologies?

 

Yes, Maria Teresa, I agree. In many cases, greater parental control is needed.

In this book, I outline a path that brings children's gaze back to the magic of the inner world. What will become of them if, as is now evident, they grow up forgetting the fertilizing function of the other, so fundamental for constructing the self and the surrounding reality?

My invitation to reflection is intended as a starting point. Everyone will choose which aspect to emphasize. On the web, even in reality, it is possible to double-click on the words and embark on a journey to open up new horizons. In a stubborn search for authentic relationships anchored in space-time memories, my invitation to realize a planning vision of life moves. Glances and words are waiting for us outside the labyrinth of the web. We have to lift our eyes and listen.

 

 

 

 

Indeed. Many of the themes we have mentioned, starting with the importance of connecting with one's inner world and acquiring greater awareness of who we are and how to realize our human potential, are also aspects that I analyzed in the chapter The Hypnotic State of Mankind ( = The hypnotic state of Humanity) of my book DARE To RISE – Reshaping Humanity by Reshaping Yourself (= DARE TO RAISE YOURSELF – Reshape Humanity by Reshaping Yourself), for those who want to delve deeper into the topic, written together with a friend and fellow author Denis Gorce-Bourge.

 

What, in your opinion, are the main damages that addiction to the web, video games, social media, and the Internet in general causes to children?

 

Our children, who grew up with a video in front of them and us on the other side, cannot do without the web. We are passive spectators of a new reality, which is difficult to understand and accept as parents born in the last century. If we make an effort, however, to find a meeting point, we can maintain the connection with a generation that chooses models and myths from new media.

 

For today's kids, that terrace, so enchanting, suspended between the sea and the mountains, is nothing more than a place like any other from which to connect, glue themselves to a video, and get lost in a virtual world devoid of space-time references. The reality that we parents, digital immigrants, and children of previous years have grown up has been supplanted by a world that isolates and cancels contacts.

 

 

Like many parents, you too have asked yourself questions such as: What to do? What future awaits us? What response should you give to your child who asks to be connected?

 

Is there a practical solution that can change this reality or at least help our children and teenagers not to grow up isolated, replacing the real world with the virtual one with all the consequences of the case?

 

A profound reflection on the online drift that has overwhelmed us seems necessary.

And that day, I found an answer. I looked at the horizon behind my child with only one thought: let's take back the lives of our kids.

This brief discussion was born as a letter from a father who was very worried about his son's relationships, primarily digital. I will support and argue the need for triple AAA and human relationships. I'm not talking about abstract parameters but about peculiarities that must correspond to each other:

 

 

WELCOME, ATTENTION, LISTENING.

 

 

HOSPITALITY.

 

THE CURIOSITY OF KNOWING

it is the greatest gift you can give to another person.

Denis Waitley

 

 

ATTENTION.

 

THE SURPRISE OF DISCOVERY

courage is also what it takes to sit down

Sir Winston Churchill

 

 

I LISTEN.

 

THE GENIUS OF THE LAMP.

Many people never listen.

Ernest Hemingway

 

 

 

For those who need to become more familiar with your business and publications, could you elaborate on these concepts?

Gladly. There are three legs of a relational table that are equally fundamental for the structure to sustain itself. All it takes is for one of the characteristics to be missing to compromise the relationship and nullify the possibility of coming into contact with oneself and others.

Today, more than ever, in fact, there is a need to start evaluating, proposing, and demanding reciprocity of ties again. Every sector of daily life is based on the request and verification of this pattern.

In fact, before entering into a relationship with another person, the only way to know their reliability is to ask for an evaluation. Participants in economic negotiations always evaluate the rating of the contractor, his stability, and his value. It's not just companies and banks that are adopting this verification system. Each of us, before committing to a relationship, analyzes some data. These are necessary steps to establish a triple AAA relationship.

 

 

Can we give some examples?

 

Sure. Let's take into consideration the world of finance. Before engaging in an adventure with another person, any entity conducts an in-depth analysis based on the relationship (Welcoming), the collection of information, and the study of the collected material (Attention).

The managers then meet and call meetings (Listening). Ultimately, they judge the subject's reliability (the other). The level of risk expected for the newly established relationship is defined with a letter grade. Proceeding in this way, step by step, the person requesting the evaluation arrives at the final decision and decides whether to get involved and invest resources.

Social relationships can be considered with the same parameters. The three AAAs represent a series of attitudes that, if ensured consistently, increase the quality of every human relationship.

Welcoming, Attention, and Listening are fundamental to bringing the new generations offline and convincing them to take their eyes off the screen.

The revelation of an emotional world in which contact with others represents a gift is the only hope for restoring value to life and interpersonal relationships.

I write these thoughts, therefore, as an appeal to my son to reverse course and re-emerge from a cave that is no longer that of Plato's myth but the dark and solitary cave of the virtual world. I hope you will begin to immerse yourself again, through all five senses, in the reality that we children of the pre-connection years have, fortunately, fully experienced.

 

 

The concepts linked to Reception, Attention, and Listening deserve further investigation. We, therefore, leave everything to the Second Part of our interview.

 

Yes, there are many aspects to clarify. We hope that readers find this information interesting and valuable and that they follow us in reading our future articles.