Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Life Coaching Lesson #3: Be a Co-Creator Rather Than a Passive Observer of Your Life

Life Coaching Lesson #3:

Be a Co-Creator Rather Than a Passive Observer of Your Life


Maria Teresa De Donato, PhD, Life Strategist

“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” 

(Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice)

“I wish I had done…”, “I always wanted to…”, “If only my parents had…”, “I wish I could…”, “Had I married [or not married] him/her…I would have….”

            How many of these thoughts, statements and complaints have you heard so far in your life?  And how many of them have you used yourself?  These are, of course, only rhetorical questions each one of us ought to answer individually.  The more honest you are in answering, however, the more you will understand and accept the fact that all of them have a common denominator: the speaker’s tendency to play the victim game.

            Yes, it’s true: you cannot have control over every single thing, person, and circumstance in your life, for unforeseen and unpredictable events can and do occur, nor have you control over which parents you were born to, so that all people born in dysfunctional families – and I personally have known so far very few who aren’t – are not, in fact, responsible for it.  You, however, might have reached an age by now where keeping complaining about the past and what you missed or was done or not done to you is no longer an option.  Keeping complaining and regretting is rather a catch-22 that leads to nowhere and keeps you trapped – consciously or unconsciously – in the belief that you are hopeless, condemned to ‘stay’ where you are and that no changes are possible.  Consequently, you become prisoner of your own thoughts and perception and ‘act’ as a passive observer of your own existence.  You see yourself only in term of a role to be played, that of a mother, father, daughter, son, employee or whatever that might be…day in…day out.

            You are now a robot, a machine programmed to do, or not to do, certain things while time goes by and you lose completely touch with your Self.  You are so lost, in fact, that you have no time to ‘smell the roses’, let alone to contemplate the beauty of the sun rise or the sun down.  You give up on yourself, on life as it could and should be for you to be able to fully express your potential and enjoy the success and happiness you deserve according to your intellectual, psychological, spiritual, emotional and physical needs, desires, passions and talents. You perceive yourself as having no control whatsoever over anything and feel at the mercy of whomever and whatever comes in your life.  This sensation deprives you from the joy of living.  You see yourself primarily, when not only, as a victim.  You do what you do because you have to, while all that is meant to make you who you truly are is not even taken into account.  You look for a job and then get a job just to make a living and pay the bills not to live your dream, follow your passion and fulfill your calling.

            Interestingly enough, being an observer of one’s own life, more often than not, has very little to do with others and very much to do with ourselves, with taking, or not taking, responsibility and starting acting constructively towards a certain goal, beginning with transforming ourselves by becoming aware of the incorrect, unhealthy way we might have been thinking and perceiving reality so far and with building up our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth.

            You need to take responsibility for your own success or failure in your life: this implies to grow up and mature, not necessarily in a physical sense, for you might have most likely already reached adulthood by now, but spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually.  This is the only option you have to advance in life and become more and more successful, move forward, one step at the time, and be aware that in so doing you know where you start but you don’t know where you might end up for “the sky is the limit.”

            That said, whatever you might have being complaining about or regretting of having or not having done so far, do your very best to switch to a positive approach and start focusing on planning what to do next and how you can turn page and begin building the life you want.

Maria Teresa De Donato©2013-2015. All Rights Reserved