Maria Teresa De Donato, Ph.D.
Traditional Naturopath, Homeopath, Life Strategist, Author
Huffman Legend:
Miss Me but
Let Me Go
Interview
with Michelle Huffman
Woman,
Mother, Wife, Author
In Loving Memory of
DUSTIN MARSHALL
HUFFMAN
(1991-2009)
No matter what
our belief system tells us, death – of whatever kind and at whatever age – is
something truly hard to deal with, with this being an understatement. Losing a
person you love is simply devastating, but seeing your child go not only before
you but at such a young age must be excruciating.
I can only
sympathize and, with a broken heart, admit that as an individual and as a
holistic practitioner I can understand why and how some of those who go through
such terrible experiences might have the desire to go numb in order not to deal
with the consequent emotional, mental and physical pain that such an event
might bring into their lives.
Today I have
the great honor to interview Michelle Huffman, an amazing woman, wife, mother
and author who personally experienced all the above and eventually turned a
tragedy into an opportunity to do something positive and uplifting that has not
only been helping her in her recovery but also many people along the way.
T: Michelle, Welcome to my blog and thank
you so much for taking the time for this interview.
M: Thank you
for having me. It is an honor to be here.
T: Michelle, your son Dustin was only
seventeen, a beautiful young man, larger than life and with a quite promising
future ahead…
Why don’t we start with you describing him
as a mother? His likes and dislikes, his school’s, job’s and sport’s
accomplishments, his friendships, roles models, and whatever still relevant
that comes to your mind?
M: Dustin was a
very kind and compassionate individual with a charisma that would light up a
room. He loved his family and friends very much and was always there to help
anyone in need. He was an above average student but not an academic by any
means, even though he had the ability to be so. He did not like studying but he
loved running Track and had to keep his grades up to be able to participate.
His efforts
paid off when he won a gold medal at the State Championship finals on June 6, 2009 . The commentators went
crazy when he blasted from fourth to first place in the straightaway and many
college scouts wanted to know who this kid was. The coach proudly informed them
that he was only a Junior and they’d have to come back the next year.
Dustin also had
an amazing work ethic. He started his first job as a paper boy at the age of
eleven and by the time he was seventeen he had worked as a busser in a
restaurant, in a meat market, as a farm hand, and as a laborer for a tree
company. One of his employers told me that he was not only a good worker; he
was the best worker he’d ever had. He worked as hard and fast as he could to
complete a task and then immediately asked what he could do next.
And while he
was a standout athlete and an excellent worker, his most admirable attribute
was his willingness to help others. He did not like bullies and was known to
defend anyone getting picked on. A number of such stories have been shared with
me that will be included in my next book, HUFFMAN LEGEND: RUN
FAST .
T: What an amazing young man! We will
be looking forward to knowing him better through your next book then.
Michelle, I
wish our interview to be as helpful as it can be for all of us and for our
readers and as healing as possible for your family and for all those who might
have gone through similar traumatic experiences…
Sometimes it’s
very difficult – or almost impossible – for us to make sense of things (at
least this has been in so many cases my personal experience) and when emotions
run high we can lose control over our own lives due to the overwhelming pain and
sorrow that we feel… In those circumstances, “Tranquilizers and tequila [might]
become a way of life…”
Based on your own experience what would be
in this case your best suggestion in order not to fall into such a trap which
doesn’t help at all with the situation but rather disrupt our life to a much
greater extent?
M: It is all
too easy to drown your sorrows with alcohol or numb your brain with drugs
because the grief can be so overwhelming, but it can make life even harder. I
spent most of my time in bed and didn’t accomplish anything positive.
It would have
been more conducive to healing if I had read books on grief and attended
bereavement groups. But what ended up helping me more than anything was
meditation and prayer.
T: When we reach bottom, life seems to fade
away, to become useless … and no matter how hard people try to help us we might
just shut down and refuse all “logical” and “rational” explanations… however
well intended…
This was also your case… How and when were
you able to finally make a U-turn and start to “come back home” so to speak? And
can a broken heart be really fixed – as you mentioned in your work?
M: I was so
heartbroken that life had no meaning and I just wanted it to end. Help from
family and friends was rejected because there was nothing they could do that
was going to bring my Dustin back.
Then one day
Eden, who was a friend of Dustin’s, called me to say she had a message from
him. She had talked to a psychic who told her that it made him sad to see me
cry all the time because it made him feel like he broke me and that he was
sending the Orbs to let me know he was okay.
This was the
turning point for me because I had never considered that my behavior would be
making him sad in the afterlife and that was just unacceptable. I decided right
then and there that I was going to start living my life in such a way that
would make him proud of me.
And while a
broken heart can heal in time, there will forever be a scar. A wound that deep
often times leads to a chronic pain that lasts forever. It might ease up in
severity, but it never truly goes away. You just have to get used to it.
T: How and to what extent switching from
medication to meditation helped you? Could you, please, elaborate?
M: Switching
from medication to meditation changed my life. The medication wreaked havoc on
my brain chemicals sending me on a perpetual roller coaster ride. It only
provided temporary relief. The highs from taking the meds were followed by lows
when it was leaving my system, leaving me with the need to take more. It was a
vicious cycle.
Meditation
reduced my stress, improved my concentration, and increased my self-awareness,
happiness and acceptance to name a few. It provides you with a sense of
well-being without any adverse side effects.
I could not
sleep without taking a tranquilizer before bed because I would wake up in the
middle of the night screaming from nightmares. From the very first time I did a
guided meditation to go to sleep, I never needed another tranquilizer again.
Guided meditations by Glenn Harrold are part of my nightly routine now. They
guide me into a wonderful deep sleep and I wake up every morning feeling happy,
refreshed, and ready to go.
My husband says
meditation has made me a kinder and more gentle person. The Dali Lama says that
if every eight years old in the world is taught meditation, we will eliminate
violence in one generation.
T: I fully agree with this statement
and with the benefits that meditation can bring to our health, wellness and to
our life in general.
The older I
grow, the more I realize that nothing – or almost nothing – happens by chance.
Everything has a purpose… Everything happens for a reason, to teach us
something…, to prepare us for something bigger. When we become fully aware of
this dynamics, we might reach a higher lever of consciousness and understanding,
and start seeing all that happens to us and around us as pieces of a bigger puzzle,
each trying to figure out a way to find its correct position. And as you
beautifully state in your book Huffman
Legend: Miss Me but Let Me Go we begin to understand what synchronicity is
really about, that is, “Synchronicity happens when you align with the flow of
the universe, rather than insisting the universe flow your way.”
Let’s talk about how your book came into
being and explain to our readers this concept of synchronicity, would you?
M: I originally
started to write the story about Dustin’s life, but it was much too emotional
for me. Then my husband and I started receiving signs. Lots of them.
I was so
excited and passionate about the signs from Dustin that I would tell anyone who
would listen to me. One gentleman with whom I shared my story with commented,
“You know there is a book there.” And that is when I started writing MISS ME
BUT LET ME GO.
I’ve learned
that there are no coincidences. Everything does happen for a reason. I was
supposed to tell my story to someone who, in turn, would suggest I write a book
about the signs I received after Dustin’s death so that I could heal and finish
writing the story about his life.
According to
the Akashic Records, Synchronicity happens when you align with the flow of the
universe, rather than insisting the universe flow your way.” I find that life
is much easier when I let the universe guide me and go with the flow.
A perfect
example of this is when a friend of mine suggested I become a substitute
teacher. I told her I would think about it but I never took the steps necessary
to pursue it. A few months later a book called APPLES AND
CHALK DUST appeared on the table in my enclosed porch. This was odd because I’m
a lot OCD [Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder] in that everything is in its place.
My husband did not know where it came from either and since it was just the two
of us and we rarely got company, it was as if it had materialized out of thin
air.
I randomly
opened the book to read about a new teacher who was very nervous about her
first day. The other teachers and kids welcomed her, and she realized that she
was where she was supposed to be. It was then that I remembered my friend’s
advice and thought the book might be a sign that I was supposed to become a
substitute teacher.
It wasn’t long
before I had my first assignments and I spent a week teaching at an elementary
school. As I was leaving on Friday, I was notified through my Jobulator app of
an opening at the high school. There was no way I was ready for that. I was
most comfortable with the little ones. I closed the app and went home.
Later that
evening I tried to open the Jobulator app but I could not log on. My User ID
was my phone number and the password was the same as the passcode I use for my
phone, so it should have been easy, right. Well, I finally had to do a reset.
When I checked my email, I was shocked to find that my User ID had been changed
to the phone number for The Dustin Huffman Memorial Scholarship! And, somehow,
I had been assigned the high school class!!!
I changed the
phone number back to mine and while I could have called and canceled the
assignment, I chose not to. It worked out just fine and I was pretty sure the
Universe was trying to guide me. Or maybe it was Dustin saying, “Come on Mom.
You’ve got this!”
T: I am sure that it must have been an
amazing experience for you and I am very glad to hear you got the chance and
you took it.
An important
aspect that you mention in your book and that I would really like to share with
our readers relates to the concept of “intuition”, or “sixth sense” as we might
also call it. Some of us have very developed intuitive abilities… - someone
might even use the term “paranormal” for them for that matter - that allow us
to “feel” things before they manifest… . In some occasions we may feel a sense
of danger, related to persons or circumstances, of evil, or anything else in
between… And yet no matter how much we try to explain it to people… most of
them will simply not understand us, let alone believe us… since to them our
attitude will appear almost as irrational…, nonsense…
Would you like, based on your own
experience, to say a few words about this topic that might help our readers to
possibly take into account that in some cases it might be wise to listen to “our
heart”, that little deep inner voice that speaks to us even if it is through
somebody else?
M: Intuition,
as defined by Wikipedia, is “the ability to acquire knowledge without proof,
evidence, or conscious reasoning, or without understanding how the knowledge
was acquired.”
For me, it is
exactly that and so much more. It is a gift. It is that inner voice that guides
me. It has kept me from harm’s way on many occasions. It has also signaled me
of impending doom when there was nothing I could do about it.
I tried to stop
Dustin from taking the job at the tree company. In fact, I discouraged the
friendship between him and the boy that got him the job when they were in sixth
grade. He was a very nice kid, but something didn’t feel right.
Just three days
before the accident I ended up in the hospital when my blood pressure plummeted
to 48/35 for no apparent reason. I told the doctor at my follow-up appointment
that I thought it was a premonition. To my surprise, he responded by telling me
that I might very well be right.
T: And both of you were most likely right…
No matter what each one of us might believe
in when it comes to death and to the concept of “soul” and/or “spirit”… the
faith that we have might be of great support in time of need. Would you like to
share with us your personal experience about what you interpreted as “signs”…
and that really helped you to first learn how to cope with the loss of your son
and then even inspired you to move forward in a more constructive way?
M: It had not
been very long since I had lost my Dustin when I was sobbing hysterically and
screamed out his name. Immediately afterwards, I smelled his cologne. I was
stunned into silence and could not fully comprehend what just happened. I later
came to understand that this was an example of a spirit scent.
It was almost a
year after the accident that we were on our way to the high school to get
Dustin’s honorary diploma when my husband’s cell phone rang. It was incoming
call from an unknown number and Dustin’s picture popped up on the screen. It
only rang once, and no one was there. There was no logical explanation how this
happened since specific phone numbers have to be tagged with a photo for them
to come up, but we still were not sure that it wasn’t just an electrical
malfunction. We know now that he was with us.
We also noticed
unusual glowing balls of light in some of the photographs posted on Facebook by
Dustin’s friends. At first, we assumed the signs to be photographic anomalies
but after talking to Eden
These are just
a few of the many signs my husband and I have been so blessed to receive.
Dustin has been relentless in letting us know that he is okay and that he will
always be there for us when we need him.
T: Is there anything else you would like to
say to your children, husband, relatives and close friends that so far has been
left unsaid… and that might help to speed up the healing process and allow all
of you to get even closer to each other than before?
M: It is
perfectly normal to grieve but do not let the grief consume you. Lying in bed
for over a year was unproductive and selfish. The sorrier I felt for myself,
the worse it was. It wasn’t fair to anyone.
What does help
is helping others. For example, holidays are hard. My Christmas always revolved
around my beautiful boy, Dustin. The first Christmas without him was
unbearable. Then one day, I saw a post on Facebook by my neighbor, who is also
the city councilperson for our ward. She was looking for people to provide a
Christmas for kids that would otherwise not have one.
I didn’t
hesitate to volunteer, and this was the second year that I participated in the
program. All I knew about the kids was their age, sizes and interests. I bought
them a warm winter coat, hat, gloves and clothes. And, of course, toys. Lots of
toys.
I did not know
these children and did not get to see them open their presents, but I do know
that they were grinning from ear to ear when they did. And that’s exactly what
my Dustin would have wanted.
Honor your
loved ones by making someone in need happy. Helping others is good for the
soul.
T: You are absolutely correct. This has
also been my personal experience. I have been volunteering for more than 30
years and I can’t but agree with you in saying that there is nothing more rewarding
than helping those in need with all our hearts and in making them happy however
we can, and I invite all the readers to look for such opportunities. Their life
will change forever. Thanks for sharing your experience in this regard.
Michelle, How can our readers benefit from
reading your book Huffman Legend: Miss Me
but Let Me Go and why we may want to encourage them to buy it?
M: To be
truthful with you, I thought I wrote my book because I wanted to tell everyone
how amazing my son was and about all the incredible signs he sent from the afterlife.
What I really did was write a book that could give hope to the grieving and
inspire others to honor their loved ones by living a happy and honorable life.
T: I am sure that our readers are going to
appreciate your honesty as well as your advices and suggestions.
Michelle, It has been truly a pleasure
having you as a guest on my blog, and I wish you the greatest success as a
woman, mother, wife and as author.
M: It has been
a pleasure being here. Thank you for having me. I love sharing my story and I
hope it helps inspire all our readers who might be having a difficult time with
loss.
T: What if some of our readers would like
to get in touch with you or even buy your book, how can they do so?
M: HUFFMAN
LEGEND: MISS ME BUT LET ME GO
can be
purchased online at https://www.BalboaPress.com or https://www.Amazon.com
Our readers can
also visit my web page at https://www.HuffmanLegend.com
to see the photos referenced in the book in full color. All those who wish to do so can contact me at
Michelle@MichelleHuffman.net.
I would love to hear their story.
T: Thank you again, Michelle, for taking
part to this interview and to share your experience. With all my heart, I wish
the best to you and to your family. May all of you find a way to heal your
emotional, mental, and spiritual wounds in the best and fastest possible way
and still keep enjoying life as I am sure Dustin would have wished for you all
to.
M: To the
readers I would like to say: Be open to the signs and know that your loved ones
on the other side are waiting for you. Until then-Live your life♥️
DISCLAIMER: The above content is for
educational purpose only and not
intended as a medical advice. Whatever your circumstances, consult with your
physician first.
MariaTeresaDeDonato-MichelleHuffman©2018.
All Rights Reserved.
Maria
Teresa De Donato, Ph.D. in Holistic Health is a Naturopath, Life Strategist
and the Author of several books who is very passionate about all that relates
to spirituality and a holistic approach to life and health. Born in Rome ,
Italy United States
To know more
about her you can visit the following sites:
Amazon Author
Page:
